Letters from Egypt: What I Learned My 1st Visit Home

Maur, Amy and me at a little place we like to refer to as Salty Balls

I finally went home after 17 months away, and I must admit, I was slightly nervous. I had heard from other expats that your first time back was a culture shock so to speak. Nah, I disagree, but what I will tell you is that it does teach you a valuable lesson. I suppose the lesson is different depending on the person. My lesson was that sometimes I just have to learn to say goodbye.

I’ve always had a hard time saying goodbye. I’m usually the first one to move somewhere, but I’d like to think that I’m better than most about keeping in touch. However, through my many moves and changes in life, goodbye has become inevitable. The difference: I never recognized it. I would just let things fade out without a second thought.

 The new bride Kelly, Jodi and me
 I first arrived in NY, the place that although I wasn’t born, I still call home. Despite the depression based on the economic downturn, I felt as though things were pretty much the same – okay, give or take a wedding, two engagements, and a couple of pregnancies. Then I went down South and had some family time for Thanksgiving and of course, to see my favorite sport (American football) and my favorite team continue their undefeated season (Geaux Saints!!!).

Kelly and me getting geared for the Saints, WHO DAT!

It was then that I realized that sometimes I just need to say goodbye. I have this friend that while I may know her since college in a very different way from most people, it was very evident that she and I are now on different paths. It doesn’t mean that the goodbye is permanent, but there comes a time in your life when you have to sit down and say to yourself, “Perhaps this person’s priorities are lining up on a different road and I need to stop trying to catch up to them via the street that clearly wasn’t meant for me.” It’s never easy to come to the realization that you’ve moved apart, but why linger? But to be fair, I knew this was coming I just didn’t want to say it. Instead I turned a blind eye to her past actions and continued being there even though she wasn’t. The sad part is, she probably doesn’t even realize that I’m gone.

There could’ve been a tear, but not really when I knew it all along. However, something else happened. While I feel like I’ve let one close friend go, I got back one back – our mothers refer to us as ‘partners in crime’ – after almost three years of hardly any communication. Truth be told, I dialed her phone number by mistake and from that point on, we talked all day every day up until I left. It came natural and it felt like no time had lapsed at all. The funniest part was although we hadn’t spoken in so long, we shared very similar stories of where our lives had gone and the relationships we’d run into along the way.

Through it all though, I was reminded of just how many people are supporting me. Egypt is not an easy place to live, but Elaine said, “If things really get so terrible, we as expats always have an out: home. However, when things are really terrible at home, we have no out.” Therefore, life as an expat can’t be that bad because many of us never go home, at least not until we’re good and ready.

Letters from Egypt: To be a Virgin or Not?

As the debate rages on about the new Chinese device, Gigimo, a cheaper version of the surgery that allots for a woman to appear a virgin on her wedding night by secreting a blood-like substance, many in Egypt are in an uproar over the product (that is supposedly sold in Syria for a meager $15).

A few thoughts before I mention Mona Eltahawy’s blog and the actual NPR article I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago.

First of all, we all know it’s hypocritical on all accounts. I have never met a group of people that have more sex than Egyptians, let me rephrase that, Egyptian men. And if you think about arguing, let me try to counter your points before you even go there:

“In lower class Egyptian society, they really are deprived.” Maybe as my Arabic isn’t good enough to associate with that class, but if you take the Dahab Bedouins, Nuweiba residents, etc. – I’m pretty sure you will find VERY sexually active individuals (and don’t blame the influx of foreigners to these places because there are Egyptian women that succumb to the sweet talking that only Egyptians know how to do the best. I don’t think anyone considers most of the aforementioned to be “upper class.”

However, in my own observations, the supposed “upperclass” individuals still want to marry a virgin. I mean ladies, you should be looking at the bright side, at least they should know what exactly they’re doing in bed and of course, should prepare you for when he cheats on you. I mean after all, he only cheats to get better to instruct you. Silly women, how dare you complain?

But you know, it’s the same no matter where you go – just on a different caliber. Women will always be held to a different standard. For the age-old example, the view of a woman that has had multiple partners as opposed to a man. Man = “popular” while a woman = “slut.” However, I’ve met plenty of females in my day that were so-called virgins and let me tell you, nothing was sacred about them! You can still be tainted no matter if your hymen is present or absent.

My main point is what if you fell in love? Does love not exist anymore because if it did, then all you should be concerned with is that you’re the one right now – and of course that your partner doesn’t have any sexually transmitted diseases, but I digress. Culture and religion is one thing, but demanding a woman is a virgin when you’re not held to the same standard is preposterous.

So Egyptians are worried about promiscuity. Dear Muslim Brotherhood – a little too late on that end. Now you have women wearing the higab (head scarf) just as a fashion statement and soon, wearing the gigimo just because you’ve imposed such restrictions. Looks like the pot calling the kettle black to me. You reap what you sew and I say that if a woman wants to have sex before marriage, let her go. Lord knows the rest of you do.

*Disclaimer – protection should be used at all times in order to avoid unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases such as Syphilis and AIDs because you will never know where a man has been and vice versa.*

 

Mona Eltahawy’s blog: Hot and Bothered Over Fake Hymens

Previous article posted by NPR: Artificial Virginity Device Sparks Backlash In Egypt

!!WARNING!! New White Taxis in Cairo

This isn’t going to be a usual post, just a brief warning for those of you traveling or living in Cairo. The city has recently introduced new white cabs, a far better upgrade than the black and whites that leave you with a feeling, “Am I going to make it to my destination? Will I live?” And when they first came out, the drivers were amazing. Of course, it was only bound to happen that the bad apples would get their hands on the new automobiles before long.

So here’s a warning to all of you: the white cab meters have two settings. One is the standard 2.50LE per kilometer, another that you wouldn’t notice charges 3LE per kilometer. While it might not seem like that great of an increase, the correct price can increase by as much as three times. This is price gauging and it is illegal and wrong.

One way to notice is to look at the meter and check the little running dog. The correct setting has the dog running at a normal pace, the high setting naturally has the dog running as though in a life/death situation. Say something immediately to the cab driver. Also ask your friends how much the ride is supposed to cost. You can point to the meter and say, “Mane fesh” (not working). Usually, they will turn it off because they know they’re in the wrong. If not, threaten to get out and do not pay whatsoever. If late at night and you don’t feel like getting another cab, feel free to get out and give them the price that you know it really is. Take out your phone and pretend (or actually do it) to call the police – pronounced boleese. They will be more scared because they know they’re in the wrong and would prefer the police to stay out of it.

That being said, for those of you that live in Maadi – I just met a phenomenal black/white cab driver who speaks really good English, attends university and is fair with his prices. If you would like his contact information, just send me an email.

I know that most cab drivers are poor and I don’t mind paying for services, but what I do mind is being tricked into giving more money. If you do a job well done, then you should be rewarded – not just because you think I’m foreign and I owe you a thing or two for absolutely no work (hence why I’m adamantly against most instances that require backsheesh).

Letters from Egypt: Taking a Stand

Taken on my way home from work

I officially have 31 days left until I visit the US, my first time back home since I arrived over 15 months ago! And I am ever so ready. However, I must say I have some anxieties about visiting. I hear that your first time back, you realize just how much you and everyone around you has changed. Sure you expect some change, but I guess there’s always that hope that it will be like you never left at all.

That aside, now back to life in Egypt. Just when you think you’ve had enough of something, someone shows you that there is still hope. I will not sugarcoat the gender issues here, as I know you have already been introduced via my blog and many others. What I will tell you is about one of the sweetest, strongest Egyptian women I know and what she’s doing in her own life.

Iman* was married about five years ago, but it was just something to do as she was nearing 30 and already an anomaly by Egyptian norms. She had one child and while life hasn’t always been easy, it was what it was. Atypical from most Egyptian men, her husband Rafeet* was anything but the bread winner. In fact, he relied on her for almost everything. And while she wasn’t happy, she wasn’t unhappy.

She went to an event one night and what Rafeet is very typical for is how she would need permission to do anything. Long story shorter, he came into the gathering, grabbed her – although she’d gotten permission, because he didn’t want to go he wanted her to be quick – and took her to the parking lot where he continued to verbally assault her in front of everyone. I cannot comment on physical abuse as I am uncertain, so I want to remain as true to the story as possible.

Unlike what I had previously thought (mostly that women just put up with almost anything), Iman has decided to divorce Rafeet. Slight problem: he took the child. Families got involved and once again to my amazement, Iman stood her ground. She informed the soon-to-be ex that it was over. He was no longer permitted in her residence and if he wanted to keep the child, he could but she would have at least two days a week, the child would continue with her schooling and he would pay. She knew he couldn’t comply with these necessities. He returned the child.

Iman is currently filing for divorce and her mother is her strongest ally, but Rafeet refuses to sign the papers. She’s in the process of getting a lawyer, and just so you know, she doesn’t have a great deal of money so these things are not so easily attained.

She said, “I know it won’t be easy, but I’m prepared to continue fighting.”

What you also have to understand is the social stigma that comes with a woman that is divorced with a child. Her chances of ever being with another man is slim to none. I think that’s a risk that she’s willing to take. She says that she doesn’t ever want another man in her life anyway.

This is extremely important because Iman isn’t from the higher Egyptian class, yet she exemplifies women standing up for themselves – which evokes hope in me that one day, things will be slightly different. She continued, “Tonight I will go to a wedding and I will dance the night away. I am finally free and feel a great weight has been lifted.”

So, Iman – here’s to you!

*Names have been changed to protect identities

***CAIRO SHAME***

There has been a website created for women to report incidents of harassment based off an online project in NYC that encourages women to snap pictures of their aggressors with their mobiles to report them online for other women as a method of precaution - please visit Cairo Shame.

If you are able to snap a picture, please feel free to email the site at cairoshame@gmail.com.

***There are some things that you must compromise when moving to a foreign country, but there are some things that you should NEVER compromise***

Take care.

Letters from Egypt: Missing in Action

First of all, I’m going to address this issue – you may not agree with what I write, but note that these are my experiences. As I’ve stated in previous blogs, I’m not here to appease everyone, if I only showed the positive without the negative, how realistic is that? I do not mind counter views, but please remain respectful.

Furthermore, for those men who send me emails and/or post comments pretending to be women – just stop. You’re only validating views that have been expressed regarding harassment.

Finally, I almost always respond to questions and/or comments. However, I make a rule that I do not meet men via my blog unless in a group setting. This is a safety precaution, and one that I highly recommend for anyone in any situation.

As Ramadan has ended and another birthday has come and gone, I wonder where I’ll be next year at this time. Will it still be Egypt, will I be back in the US, or some other unknown location?

I have to be honest, I really miss home. My best friend recently got engaged and told me in an email. While being thrilled, part of me was sad that the news came via an email and not a phone call. Thus is part of the set back in being overseas.

And of course, I’m at the age where many of my friends are getting engaged, married, having children and I wonder – what the hell am I doing? Oh yeah, riding camels by the pyramids (which might I advise, do not ride for longer than 30 mins as you will regret it later…and I do mean REGRET). Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my life, but sometimes I just wonder if I'm missing out on other things. And I can tell you what, I am.

That isn’t to say that life as an expat isn’t exciting and definitely gives you stories for when you’re 85+ years old in a nursing home humoring your nursing attendant. What I’m trying to convey is that while the grass is always greener on the other side, there’s definitely no win-win to life as an expat. You’re seen as adventurous from friends and family at home, and yet, sometimes you just want to return to that time before you were known as this globe trotter (so to speak).

Then I wonder if when you become an expat, if you’re always an expat?

***CREEP ALERT***

Beware all potential travelers venturing on a desert safari. I received word of a group that went on a desert safari with the man pictured. While I will remain brief, he was inappropriate to all the women and also took pictures of them exiting the water for personal use – despite their persistence he stop. I believe he has been reported to the proper authorities, but this is a warning for any of you that thought about booking with this company and/or guide:

Ahmed Mouaref

Siwa Oasis (does tours throughout Egypt)

www.siwasafaritours.com

badwy_mouaref@yahoo.com

Letters from Egypt: Next Stop Fayoum

Sometimes I just get the urge that I want to have an adventure of sorts, like that day I just woke up and said, “I think I’ll go to Shobra.” The end of Ramadan when most Cairoenes venture to the Red Sea, some of us still maintain a regular work schedule as though we were back in our own countries. So while I couldn’t venture to the party scene on the Red Sea (Hurghada, Sharm el Sheikh, Dahab), I decided that I could still venture out which led me to visit Fayoum.

Fayoum, the nearest oasis to Cairo, is full of character – but I didn’t really see much of it as one day is simply not enough time. I did venture to nearby Sinnuris and visited the lakes and waterfall.

This isn’t one of my usual posts, but more so to introduce a new place to perhaps see the rich culture. Fayoum is somewhat of a remote village-type area mostly comprised of farmers. Not many foreigners venture out to Fayoum, but it should be a stopping point instead of the usuals: North Coast, Red Sea resorts, etc.

However, here’s one of my usual warnings: If you have a weak bladder, I suggest wearing diapers. Okay, but seriously, remember that it is a farm town so don’t expect Ritz Carlton-type toilets.

Also bring snacks/food for your visit as it might not be the most sanitary of places and that's if you can really find anything edible. There are some hotels, but we encountered a problem as our server refused to get us the regular menu as the set menu was more expensive (also menus are mostly in Arabic so go with someone that reads squiggle squiggle dot dot). We left and headed to Arabian Nights, which is great for the ambiance, but don't expect mouth-watering delights.

Your Perfect Getaway

Located an hour outside of Cairo on the Gulf of Suez is Ain Sukhna. There are resorts, but why pay that extremely high rate when you can stay in your own resort? Perfect for family getaways or just a weekend among friends with a minimum stay of three days. Please check out the details below and if interested, don't hesitate to contact Nancy Samuel at NancySamuel_3@hotmail.com

Letters from Egypt: Ramadan Kareem & Carrefour

This picture was taken in the same spot before Ramadan and then again during iftar

Reading through my blogs during Ramadan last year, you might understand why I was dreading it this year. Getting work done is a task in and of itself. The driving before iftar is atrocious. Getting a cab during iftar is virtually impossible. The traffic after iftar is a nightmare. And there are other reasons I can tell you why Ramadan is not the happiest for us Westerners, but I have to admit that my friends have tried hard to show me the fun times that you may have during this time.

It’s a time when you catch up with friends and family – or in my case, spending more time with friends and getting the chance to meet their families.

However, if you’re new, please let me introduce you to a Westerner’s Guide to the Best Kept Secret during Ramadan…Carrefour.

Carrefour is a large mall, but inside is a grocery store a similar to a Super Wal*Mart or the UK’s Tesco. I previously thought shopping at Target in Downtown Brooklyn during the holiday season was like going off to war. After seeing everyday life in Carrefour, I now realize Target was a peaceful demonstration.

If you can leave without a bruise, please let me know your secret as women shove their carts into you repeatedly, blocking you in at every turn. You get an arm workout as carts always have jacked-up wheels and you spend most of your time just trying to keep the cart en route. Basically, you must revert back to primitive times – why? Because you won’t survive otherwise.

True story: I went to the produce section just trying to get one onion. It’s blasphemy to only get such a small quantity here, but I’m a single person and buying too much is wasteful. Women were throwing onions around, sometimes over their shoulders, looking for the perfect onion. Onion husks are going all over me. I couldn’t remotely get in if I tried. Instead, I just tried to catch an unwanted onion and continue on my way.

Before checking out, you must get your produce weighed at the weight station. Good luck on that one as a simple concept as a line has evaded most Egyptians. I finally make my way to the front and place my three lemons on the weigher. A veiled woman jerks my lemons off and throws them back at me while she places her sack of potatoes in their place.

I’ve had it! Once again, you must revert back to primitive times. If you allow this to happen, they will all continue to do it and you will never leave the warzone known as Carrefour grocery. I yank her sack off the weigher, throw them down and look at her with this glare. All of the sudden, everyone backed away from the weigher and I continued to get weighed my three lemons, four tomatoes, dill, and one onion.

I’ve stated before that doing the simplest tasks in Egypt make for the most difficult ventures ever. Grocery shopping ranks high on the list. However, if you are living in Egypt during Ramadan, go to Carrefour during iftar (around 6pm).

The roads are empty. Traffic is nonexistent. Shopping is civilized and met with other civilized people. Those that even see you searching for that perfect tomato and say, "Hey, there are even better tomatoes on the other side."

Letters from Egypt: Twice Branded

After reading my last blog entry, a friend forwarded me this amazing article by World Affairs Journal, “Twice Branded: Western Women in Muslim Lands.” There were things mentioned that well, you might find shocking. There were other things mentioned that made me say, “Oh yeah, that’s why.”

“Last year, in a poll of 2,000 Egyptian men, 62% admitted harassing women: an activity most of those interviewed insisted was not really their fault as their advances, however intemperate and offensive to their victims, had after all been provoked by the women themselves.”

The sad truth is that this number isn’t shocking to me, but I view it as inaccurate. Why? That’s only 62% that willingly admit they harass women. What about all the others that don’t admit it because they don’t see it as harassment or anything wrong?

After I posted my last blog, a friend commented, “LeAnne, it’s unfortunate what happened, but that’s only the minority.” Wrong. You see, the minority in Egypt is the upper class – meaning the few that are taught how to properly act. It is the majority. And once again, that blasé attitude is exactly what allows this to continuously increase.

The author, Judy Bachrach, also noted how Western women finding themselves in the Middle East have a “double deficit as women and foreigners.” I loved when Bachrach said, “The more Arabic we learned, the more xenophobic and sexually explicit trash talk we understood.” That was my “ah-ha” moment – perhaps that is why I feel harassment has increased exponentially. Now, as my friend Nancy said, I can tell the difference between those just trying to speak to me and those offering unkind/inappropriate words. And Bachrach’s also correct that the only way to counter these remarks is to insult their mothers. On my to-do list is to learn in Arabic: “Do you like it when men speak to your little sister like that?”

The author also introduced me to Mona Eltahawy’s website/blog. An Egyptian born in Port Said, Eltahawy has lived in the UK, Saudi Arabia, Israel and is now based in NY. She was previously a reporter for Reuters and is a columnist featured in many publications in both the West and Arab nations. She talks freely about her experience wearing the head scarf for nine years, harassment, and gives her views on Arab and Muslim issues citing herself as a liberal Muslim. I have only read the first entry, but snippets from other articles were posted in Twice Branded and I feel that for any female moving or currently living in a Muslim nation, this is a worthwhile read.

So why stay? I can tell you that I stay for my career, at least for the time being. However, I don’t plan on staying here for long-term. There are other women who have married and have children. Under Sharia law (basic law in the Qaran), women basically have no rights so they are forced to stay that is, if they want to see their children.

And everywhere it goes. Sharia travels without a wrinkle on its burqa. It is no small irony these days that those fortunate countries where women have fought, passionately and at great cost, for equal rights—Germany, France, the United Kingdom, the Netherlands, for instance—have become home to certain Muslim immigrants who continue to violate the rights of women, abetted frequently by both the silence of the authorities and an abashed press. Why this silence? One of the least savory consequences of a colonial past is guilt: an insidious remorse that transmutes itself into a persistent reluctance to criticize publicly those who have now themselves taken on the role of oppressor—even against those who happen to oppress, openly and without shame, within the borders of liberal nations. “You hear people talking about the need to ‘respect’ other cultures. You want me to respect this awful behavior?” Eltahawy says.

EUROPE – GROW SOME BALLS AND STOP BEING SO POLITICALLY CORRECT!

My sentiments are this – if I’m able to post anyone’s picture that crosses the line: BEWARE, because I ALWAYS have my camera. I will continue to safeguard myself and offer suggestions and advice to other females living here. However, please note I am not trying to change a culture or country that isn’t my own. Change must come from within. It is up to Arab women to fight back. I can only offer my support in this fight which I hope does happen within my lifetime.

No one deserves to be treated this way and nor should it be a passing thought. This should NOT be considered the norm.

“Well, that’s Verse 4:34, and it can be interpreted different ways,” Hussein Rashid, a professor of religion and political Islam at Hofstra University, demurs. “The verb that is used for hit or beat can also mean ‘to break off’ or divorce someone.” This judicious interpretation of the most incendiary Koranic passage provokes laughter when I repeat it to the Somali-born firebrand Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Allah, she observes, “is absolutely brilliant except when He is speaking about the rights of women—then Allah gets all muddled up, doesn’t really mean what He says, and becomes a very confused God.” In fact, Hirsi Ali continues, “that the husband has the right to beat his wife is in the Koran. That a woman has to dress a certain way is in the Koran, that she must stay in the house is also there. And on it goes.”

Shisha Extraordinaire

Lebanese Nights

Road 206 - close to the Maadi Grand Mall (you can just tell cabbies Grand Mall)

Maadi (Degla)

After taking a brief hiatus from highlighting some great places, I bring you one of my favorite shisha outings. Meet Lebanese Nights – located in Maadi. The shisha is good, although I can’t lie – there are a couple of places that I think are better (Pottery Café in Zamalak and Fishawy’s in Khan el-Khalili). However, I think it’s the service and definitely the atmosphere that keeps me coming back for more. The fresh juice drinks are amazing and I highly recommend either the grape shisha or peach mixed with mint. There’s seating that’s basically open-air, but if it’s too hot, don’t fret – there’s an indoor area with a/c. The food is decent, but as featured earlier, better Lebanese food exists. One slight problem, English is hardly understood. Some servers speak some basics, but you will more than likely have to point to what you want and move your finger over the the Arabic version.

Letters from Egypt: Harassed? Ma3lesh (Whatever)

For the first time in awhile, I thought I was going to have a positive story to tell about the genuine kindness of strangers. As it turns out, I have exactly the opposite.

I snapped this picture unbeknownst to my friend nor the man helping us because I wanted to illustrate how I might’ve had a couple of bad weeks, but genuine kindness does exist. You see, as Amelia** and I were parked outside a café near my apartment, her water hose burst. Immediately a cab came to the rescue, discussing the problem and assuring her that it was easily fixable. As the cab drove away, a man in a 2009 charcoal Kia Cerato began speaking to us and said he was a mechanical engineer and asked if he could take a look. He concurred that it was a small problem and offered to take us to a nearby mechanic to get the part.

Since my apartment was nearby, I asked if he’d like some water. Amelia realized he might be fasting as it is Ramadan, but then saw he was smoking a cigarette. He said he was Christian as Amelia wears a cross around her neck and then once again, offered to take us to the mechanic. Since we were together and he seemed nice, she said okay.

I was shocked at the kindness and made mention to my friend. She said, “LeAnne, you’ve just had a few bad experiences, but Egyptians are extremely kind.”

I know she wishes she could take back those words or at least the timing of that phrase.

I will narrow down the story just a bit: we get into the car and I see what I thought was a Bible – since he proclaimed to be Christian. I asked if I could see it since I haven’t seen a Bible in Arabic before. He complied, but as Amelia and I looked, it turned out to be the Quran. Why would he lie about his religion? Was it simply because he saw that Amelia was Coptic and noticed her cross around her neck?

Warning sign #1: abort mission.

As we picked up the mechanic, “Good Samaritan” receives a phone call and immediately tells Amelia to be quiet with his hand gesture. Why – this was probably his wife.

Warning sign #2: abort mission.

The mechanic looks at the car and then we take him back to complete his Iftar (first meal of the day at around 6:30 pm). We drive back and wait for the mechanic to call for his return visit. And we wait. And wait. And wait. I begin growing impatient and was starting to feel uncomfortable.

It took this long?

My Arabic is limited and honestly, I stopped listening awhile back. He had already grazed Amelia’s leg.

Warning #5916: ABORT MISSION

Long story even shorter, he begins discussing Amelia’s body, how he can offer her a job plus an apartment and wait – inappropriately grabs her chest. Then as she screams “La2a” (NO), he does it again and just says, “Ma3lesh, ma3lesh” while he gropes her chest. She instantly gets out of the car. Angry, humiliated and upset that she froze and didn’t knock the hell out of him.

Here she was telling me that I’d just run across some bad people, and reminding me about the positive things and then – she had this happen because she thought he was doing a good deed.

It is Ramadan, Muslim Holy month, and while that might not mean much to some – for the majority of Muslims here – whether it is because they believe it or for show – they respect it. However, I have incurred just as much harassment Ramadan or not, but I guess the difference is you expect it to somewhat subside.

Two years ago for the end of Ramadan celebration, Eid, in downtown, Tahrir Square, hundreds of men became frantic after seeing a dancer and rampaged through the streets ripping off women’s clothes – even women wearing the fully covered niqabs. Women began running in a frenzy begging shop owners to open the doors to escape the pandemonium. If you are able to find a news source detailing the event, please leave it as a comment.

Even going to the police stationed on every corner is virtually of no use as most of them also continue the harassment.

And now I’m angry. I’m angry because Cairoenes will tell you that 10 years ago, women were less covered – with old movies showing ladies in mini-skirts. You know what else they say? That harassment was also far less. More women are fully covered these days and the harassment is on the rise. It’s so bad that one of my other friends was grabbed on the street, onlookers just watched as though it was a screenplay, and she started screaming in distress. No one came to help her until she started screaming “Thief” in Arabic – then the onlookers became an angry mob and chased the perpetrator.

How has this been allowed to grow so out of control that now it is seen as the norm? I said before that moving to a foreign country means you must compromise, but there are some things you should never compromise and this is one of them. I feel as though harassment increases daily the longer I stay.

Change has to come from within and I certainly hope the scales tip and women are respected by the majority – not just a few.

And to the man pictured above, I hope you get exactly what you deserve and let me tell you, it’s not 40 virgins waiting for you in Heaven.

**Name given to conceal identity

Banning the Burqa: Yes or No

News reports are running rampant with many blasting France’s stance to ban the burqa – or fully covered female Muslim apparel. Some say it goes against religious freedom, because we all know very well that those exact countries that enforce this dress code have a great deal of “religious freedom” or really, freedom in general.

What I will also recognize is just like with female circumcision in tribal areas mainly in southern Africa is that the burqa or even niqab (cloak showing just the eyes) might also be viewed as a rite of passage into womanhood. It is seen as a positive thing, despite what many of us Westerners may believe. Each female looks forward to menstruation as it is a sign that we are reaching womanhood – and then we realize the cramps, mood swings, pain, etc. are just BS and we grow a hatred for it, but I digress.

That being said I will also point out that France is the only country that has strong roots currently still present in each of its former colonies. Something should be said about that. Haiti, Quebec, New Orleans, African countries, etc. all speak a form of French and still have a French presence in many of their festivals and local government (Louisiana and parishes for instance instead of counties).

Why? As my friend Maureen put it, “France takes an extremely aggressive stance toward protecting ‘Frenchness.’” I also agree with another friend that said, “…[the burqa/niqab] is a form of subjugation and therefore, against the basic rights of any member of a civilized society.”

I'm somewhat torn on the issue of France banning the burqa. I guess what it really comes down to, are these women who are wearing the garb French born or from some MidEast/North African country? And no, I’m not discussing women that have shifted their citizenship to that of France. I’m torn on the rights of natural born citizens. However, that being said, for those that aren’t, I think that if they are unable to adapt to the societal standards around them in a country that isn’t their own, then they should either be forced to get rid of their “ninja apparel” or move back to their home countries. Someone said to me that’s like signing a death warrant. Well, in that case, unveil ladies! And I’m not discussing being unable to wear simply the head scarf and more conservative clothing (hageb).

If I had to move to Saudi Arabia, I would be forced to wear the gear. Reason #7928374573839 that I do not have any plans, hopes, aspirations or dreams of moving to that place as I do not believe in it, but would have to respect their country. So what’s the difference with the veiled women in France? So yes, I think France has the right to impose this as it goes against their culture.

Then in the US, a woman’s case was dismissed in Detroit because she refused to unveil herself. She sued the judge. In the US, body language is most often what wins and/or loses your court case. Yet in her own country, she probably never would have seen the lights in a courtroom for such a frivolous case simply because she was female. Why is it that the US, UK and EU countries must adhere to Islamic law? Knock knock, here’s a secret – these countries not Islamic Republics. If you don’t like the way the West does things, then go back to your own countries – we all know the success rate there.

As a fellow expat living in Egypt, Elaine put it eloquently, “I observe local laws here and would never think of going into a court in a rara skirt and boob tube so what are they thinking?”

Disclaimer: This is not a slight against Islam. If you want to debate this issue, for or against, please do so in a mature,respectful manner. I will delete any comments that I feel are derogatory toward any religion: Christianity or Islam.

Letters from Egypt: Fresh Meat

My first experience on the Nile, approx. 2 wks after I moved here

I’ve noticed that there is a fresh batch of arrivals to the Cairo area – many are teachers getting prepared for their first abroad experience, and some are just getting geared for their first Cairo experience. Good luck. I know that the Egyptian men are looking forward to having fresh meat, ones that don’t already know some of their reputations. 5elibelik (be careful in Arabic).

So here are a few pointers for those of you that are new:

Basic:

*Please read previous blogs, kindness isn’t always genuine. Don’t be naïve, although it will happen, try not to beat yourself up over getting duped a time or two.

*Until you learn to negotiate in Arabic, get into a cab, know where you’re going, ask a friend beforehand how much you should pay, get out of the cab before you pay. If they start demanding more – as they will most of the time when they find you don’t speak Arabic – just keep walking.

*Start learning your Arabic numbers immediately. This will help you with the basic shopping necessities.

*Remember www.otlob.com will help with your food delivery until you learn either enough Arabic or have friends who can call for you.

During Ramadan:

*Dress more conservatively. This is a big thing as I noticed many of you last night in the Ace Club. While yes, we are in Maadi (this is for the group I saw last night), it’s still Holy Month and be respectful. Cover your shoulders, avoid cleavage, and do not wear short skirts.

*Going somewhere – get a cab before Iftar and don’t expect to get another one until after – around 8pm. Then expect high volumes of traffic.

I know how difficult it is shopping and not knowing which products you may like since everything is so different. I’m going to post in a later blog certain products I like such as yogurt, milk, laundry detergent, cheese, etc. that might help some of you.

And for all you newbies, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to email me. If I can’t help you, I’ll put you in touch with someone who can.

Good luck to all of you and remember, it’s an adventure – one that very few people have.

Letters from Egypt: Recognition, Clarification & Determination

Is it just me or does this look like a major safety hazard?

With recent blogs like Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing, Use Caution, and Ulterior Motives, you must think I am having a difficult time in Egypt. The truth of the matter is that I suppose I just didn’t quite clearly know how to explain the way I was/am feeling and had all these realizations that well, were negative.

And you know what, those thoughts still aren’t positive. However, I refuse to remain bogged down in the negativity. What I do feel that I need to explain is why this has occurred.

For those of you that have been an expat for years, this is nothing new to you. Then there are those of us where this whole expat world is, well, different. I always thought I was an excellent judge of character. It was always said in NY that I could tell if I liked someone within three minutes. After those three minutes were up, I didn’t cause a scene, I just simply walked away. I’m under the impression that you can be cordial, but why waste your time on people that you know you’re not going to mesh with? Maybe that works for some of you, but I’d rather use my time more wisely and surround myself with those people that I do care for.

As my friend Harold said, “[Egypt] it’s a whole new game. You never know what you’re going to get.” Before any of you remotely think about emailing me to tell me how this occurs everywhere, let me explain.

At the Red Sea in Hurghada

Moving to a different country with a different culture and society, you’re at a great disadvantage. My problem was that I couldn’t decipher the good from the bad. It’s a learning experience and instead of getting angry with myself for not recognizing it sooner, I would rather use this experience to help guide me toward the good ones. It may take awhile and undoubtedly I’m still going to get burned here and there, but this is just another piece of advice I can give to any of you moving from your home country:

Recognize that you will falter in your judgment, but it isn’t the end of the world. Just use it to be a better judge of character and remember, not everything is as it seems.

There are always ulterior motives, but there are also those
that genuinely want to help you and show you the special things that their culture has to offer – something you never would have attained from home.

Letters from Egypt: Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Musician performing in the Khan el Khalili

I have a confession to make – perhaps I wasn’t extremely honest in my last blog. I was discussing with a friend other things I’d learned in my first year in Egypt and she suggested there should be a continuation blog – I agree.

Don’t mistake all kindness to be genuine, because unfortunately, often times it isn’t. Image is a big deal here. Many people sit outside at cafes to be seen, a rumor that a new A-class place is open catapults the place to overwhelming popularity – why? Image.

You’ve probably always heard, “It’s not what you know, but who you know.” Never more true than in Egypt.

Something I have noticed among some is the ease of falling in and out of others’ lives. It is hard for me to fathom how some people that I know practice this so often because you see, I’m not a “sometimes” friend. It’s all or nothing with me. If you knew my background, perhaps you’d understand why my friends are my life.

I am very lucky in meeting people, and I usually have a high ratio of good, true friends. However, Egypt can be deceptive. I’ve had many people come into my life here that I thought were genuine. I trusted. I was wrong. I opened up somewhat easier than usual because different circumstances make you more vulnerable, and I suppose I was reeling off of having some of the best friends you could ever hope to find. Once again, I got too lax in my judgment of others (similar yet different scenario to the cab incident).

While I say that to survive Egypt you must look to the small things that make you happy, I can’t deny that I have been hurt plenty of times. I had a “friend” that schemed behind my back for months trying to maneuver his way in order to obtain the companionship of another close friend. I’ve had money stolen by someone I trusted. I’ve been fed lie after lie just so others can move up the social ladder. And there are plenty of other instances that would just take up too much space and provide too much negativity.

There are others that I think about and while I had always said they did a lot of great things for me, as I sat down and began thinking of things they had actually done for me – well, I couldn’t think of one positive thing. What does that say about my perception? I think that I came into this thinking I was more prepared, mature, intuitive and yet, I feel as though I must’ve had my head up my ass this past year.

I have always been told that it is difficult to get to know me. If it was difficult before, I feel it is almost impossible now. I’m outgoing, but always know that I will tell you exactly what I want you to know.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have some genuine people in my corner. However, you know that duped feeling you get when you find out that everything you’d thought was totally wrong? Yeah – well, I feel like that now. I don’t know where my head has been, but clearly it hasn’t been where I needed it.

So what else have I learned: be careful of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Inside a Mosque at the Khan

Letters from Egypt: I Made It…ONE YEAR

One year ago... and now

The past few days I’ve been reminiscent on exactly what I was doing a year ago. I was preparing for this move, full of fear and anxiety, and trying to soak up my last days with the people that meant the most to me. I cannot believe I’ve now been an expat in Cairo for a year. There have been plenty of good, a few bad and well, I can’t forget the ugly.

At my six month mark, I wrote about things I’d learned. One of the most important and valuable pieces of advice I can give you if deciding to make a move overseas is to keep an open mind. There will be days that you are so frustrated (remember my computer fiasco), there will be days of extreme culture shock (men vs women) and there will be days that you’re so lonely you don’t want to get out of bed. No matter how often your phone may ring, how many friends drop by your apartment or the kindness from random strangers – you will miss home, it’s inevitable. However, it’s the small things that make you happy that you should focus on and I feel this is no different even if you’ve never lived abroad.

So what makes me happy about Egypt? It’s funny how most of my joys revolve around food, but I am a foodie and I make no quams about that. You see, I’m a BIG fan of pickles. A great thing about Egypt is the fact you can get pickled veggies no matter what place you eat.

I like the fact that my kiosk (outdoor convenience store) is open 24/7 and delivers right to your door. Cairo is the perfect city for anyone with social anxiety disorder. You can have everything imaginable delivered and if you can’t, you can just send your boab (doorman) to pick it up. You can go forever without actually stepping outside your home.

I couldn’t have imagined meeting some of the people I’ve encountered. Some, I have to say I could care less if I ever see again, but the important lesson is that each taught me something. Some taught me that no matter what age, how many countries they’ve traveled, supposedly cultured – they don’t know their “ass from a hole in the ground” (that’s a Southern expression quite often used by my mother). Others make me realize the person I want to be, show me true strength and give me the courage I need to move on.

What would I miss the most about Egypt as of now if I had to leave – shisha, rooftop chats by Lisa’s pool, going to Ace for a beer with Elaine and venting about the latest Nigerian crisis, going late night to Abou Maar with the carhop shouting lively “Oh, the American,” my editor, passing by the Nile no matter where I’m going, just to name a few.

Here lately, everyone has been asking me what my future plans entail. I have said many times throughout my blog that I would just wing it, see where life takes me. I’m no closer today than I was yesterday in deciding my future. I know that I want to stay for another full year – in part thanks to my partner-in-crime Natalia (whom I made a promise I would stay if she did) and at the same time, I’m frightened once again to think of what I will do after. However, I feel like God gives you a tap when it’s time to go. If you ignore that, He gives you a nudge. Ignore that and He does it for you. I’ll know when it’s my time, until then – here’s to another year of more-to-come Egyptian adventures.

Egypt's Facebook Face Off - Egypt

I came across this and while I haven't completed watching it in its entirety, I thought it would be good to post on the blog. Since I haven't properly watched it, I can't give my opinion at this time. However, Egypt was reportedly trying to crack down on Facebook users a few months ago. Of course, views and opinions are always welcome, but please be respectful.

***NEW BAR ALERT***

Stiletto’s, located across from the Cairo Sheraton (Giza)

Opens from 7pm - 3am
Opposite Cairo Sheraton Hotel
For reservation: 02 33311360
Hotline: 017 1507888
Fridays & Saturdays: From noon for Lunch

Minimum charge: 120LE on weekdays
150LE on weekends